Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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