I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
