Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
