Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
my poor anus
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
