I'm lost and stupid without you.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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