i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
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It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
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wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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