Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
