Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
