Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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