why didn't you poke me back
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
