the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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