BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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