I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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