Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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