I am in a vortex of obligation.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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