Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
