Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
