I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You're like the curious george of whores
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
