I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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