I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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