how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
