you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
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