the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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