He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
