I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
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What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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