woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
