I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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