He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
