I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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