Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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