ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
