So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
