just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
