Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize