i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
