If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
