whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
