Betty ford says i'm here all night
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
