A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
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And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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