I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
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