I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
