My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize