Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
