oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
