I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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