another moral hangover. fuck.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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