I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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