What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
