he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
