Jerry, you need to find god
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
