I just made out with a guy for $7.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
