I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
