One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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