Me. At least after what I've been through.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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