ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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