"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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