If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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