You can't motorboat a personality
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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