you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
