took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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