Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
