If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
