Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
this will be a night to untag.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
