I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
