My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
this is an emotional support booty call
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
