just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My dick has a subreddit
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
