Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
