Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
