She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
