how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
