Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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