I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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