I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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