dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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