so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
