Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
