My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
