just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
