Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
