He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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