I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
